Saturday, June 5, 2010

Of Mice and Me

I saw a mouse in my kitchen.
I am going to have to kill it, because I have found that we can't cohabit.
I would prefer not to slaughter.
Give you a little leeway, Mouse, a little tolerance, and you run rampant through my cupboards, drawers, shelves, ledges and floorspace, defecating liberally as you ramble. I understand that the odours from the house are delectable, but I put perfectly edible and delicious food into the compost heap. You are free to enjoy it all, and your poop would only help things along.
I understand that my home's attraction now is that it is warm, while winter leers outside. So, you really have to choose warmth or death, Mouse. You have a fur coat, and there are heaps of you - or you can manufacture heaps fairly quickly - so, I can only tell you what I would advise.

I am not going to kill you with bare hands or bare teeth, but with discreetly placed poison pellets, and I understand that your death is not sweet.
Once, when the front of our dishwasher was removed during repair, I saw the skeleton of an adult mouse - mum? - in an embrace with a crouching skeleton child. That still saddens me, Mouse.
Do go away. It's nuclear against spears, Mouse. Retreat and live. Please.


Elisabeth said...

That's a powerful image, Frances - the dead momma mouse embracing her equally dead infant mouse behind the dishwasher. It reminds me of the human equivalent : the Patagonian mummies that I've seen in a glossy coffee table book somewhere. I should Google them again.

The figures of the dead in Patagonia are draped in cloth that is falling apart. Some have embroidered collars around their necks and one man’s throat is adorned in what looks like a dog’s collar. They look as though they have been roasted in the oven and all the juices have run out of them.

Ahh the wonderful associative power of blogging. Thanks Frances

Frances said...

Love and sadness, Elisabeth. The world is filled with each.

J. said...

Alas, I had a similar task recently. I'd already relocated one mouse to the lavender bush in the garden, a week later it (or a relative) was back. Scurrying around, under the sideboard, under the fridge, me in hot pursuit, dogs over-excited, cats supercilious.
In the small hours I gave up and went to bed. The next morning the mouse's entrails were neatly laid out on the doormat and the old tom cat was looking nonchlant.
If only one could say "You've out-stayed your welcome. Beware, here live cats"
Julie (aka Mouse)

Charlie said...

Martha is not known for her cooking skills, so creatures like mice and flies clamber to escape when the doors are opened. (A little marital humor.)

As much as I hate to see a critter harmed, unfortunately it's necessary sometimes. Especially mice, some of which carry a deadly hantavirus here in the Arizona desert.

Do what you must, even if it is with a heavy heart.

Relatively Retiring said...

And I've got RATS!

Penny said...

With five cats, mice don't stand a chance in this household. The cats bring them in from the garden sometimes though and it has happened that the occasional one escapes. Then we get to make the hard decisions.
I have tried leaving doors open so they can get out but the mice are usually traumatised and the cats just catch them again, and then there's a mess to clear up.
That's so poignant about the little skeletons.

Frances said...

It is obvious to me that a person who has both cats and dogs is a well balanced person, J....and see how they look after your interests. You are well protected by good hearts.

Frances said...

Yes, Charlie, alas. That's the shape of the world. Not a happy outcome for those of us who don't like raw combat.
I liked the touch of marital humour, and hope that Martha did too.

Frances said...

Relatively Retiring: Oh dear. My total commiserations. I hear that rats are actually intelligent companions...but, one does like to choose one's friends, as a rule.

Is there a pied piper locally?

Frances said...

Five cats, Penny! I once had a psychic cat..the possibility of five would terrify me.
No one should leave the remains of their meals for the servants to clean away - and, this applies particularly to cats. Exert your power, Penny! It sounds as if they have the upper hand.

Susannah said...

The image of the mama mouse and babe is going to haunt me...